you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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