my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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