yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize