you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
