Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
