Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
