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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
