Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
