she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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