I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
