so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
