he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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