is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
