dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
