The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
