90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
