I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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