I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize