i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize