Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just crazy horny about you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
