this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So. Much. Porn.
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