You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
