so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
