Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
