I just pynch a tree in the face
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
