i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
