I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
