people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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