I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
