At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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