So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
