Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
