You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
