Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
