I'm so fucking centered right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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