the condom got lost in my hair
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
