This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
