How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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