Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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