i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
