I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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