Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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