Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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