I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My vagina just recognized that song.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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