Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
