did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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