I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found puke in my bra..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
