you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
