I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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