We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You left your phone here
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