I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
