The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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