This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
