i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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