About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
