My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
