sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
