she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
