hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
