I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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