If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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