I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Less talking, more tequila
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize