I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
