apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
