this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
