so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
