If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
