Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
