no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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