my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize