shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
