I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
