I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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